


Every Plan is a Tiny Prayer

by j_marquis



Category: Psycho-Pass
Genre: M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Memory Loss, Post Movie, Sickness, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 07:02:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5154656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_marquis/pseuds/j_marquis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are days when Kougami wakes up, and doesn't know where he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Plan is a Tiny Prayer

**Author's Note:**

> Please heed the warnings. This was a very personal fic for me to write, and something of a cathartic fic as well, so be gentle, if you don't mind. Thanks. (I wrote this in about four hours, so it might be a mess in terms of editing. I don't know if I will ever go back and edit. I don't know if I can.)

_And it came to me then, that every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time._  
\- Death Cab for Cutie, What Sarah Said

At first, it was little things. Misplaced keys, forgotten glasses of water, lost shoes. Things that could be passed off as nothing, too frequent. But Ginoza was inclined to neglect the small things going wrong, in favor of preserving the hard built peace. After all, Kougami had taken him through hell to get here. Out of Japan, out of SEAUn, across the continent until they found this old house, on the cliff near the ocean. He didn't know where they were, what this place had once been. But they had everything they needed, and they had been happy. Really, they were still happy. They had each other, they had a home, they had the deep, grey blue expanse of ocean and no idea what laid at the other side.

And then Kougami started losing things. Forgetting things. And it seemed normal, of course it seemed normal. Even the nightmares were normal, waking disoriented, not sure of where he was, even though they grew more frequent. He had always had nightmares. And they both had plenty to have nightmares about.

The nightmares got worse. Kougami woke, in the middle of the night, screaming, he had no idea where he was. He thought he was in a rehabilitation facility, or his apartment at the PSB, fighting other people's wars.

And Ginoza did all he could to hold him, to comfort him, to bring him some kind of peace. He wrapped his lover in thick blankets, laid down beside him, pressed kisses to his forehead, his eyelids, his lips, waited for him to find sleep once more.

Sibyl was expanding. Ginoza heard about it on the internet connection he accessed sometimes to make sure their little peace stayed safe. He had to hope they didn't find this place. He might survive, he had only run, never fought back. But Kougami would be killed on sight. He kept the connection active, hoped for updates.

"What happened to your arm?" Kougami asked, in the middle of the night.

"Kougami you know what happened."

"I don't." He sounded confused, distressed. "I should. Right?"

Ginoza reached across him, turned the light on. "Shinya?" He kept his voice soft, concerned, touched a scar at Kougami's jawline. A leftover from the SEAUn war.

"I don't remember." Kougami whispered, his fingers brushing along the mess of scar tissue that covered Ginoza's shoulders. "Gino I don't remember."

It was the first thing he lost.

Sibyl's forces came closer, and he lost SEAUn. He remembered he had been there, but not what he had done. Where he got the scar on his jaw, or the one at the back of his shoulder. He didn't remember the people he had saved.

It snowed, and the garden Ginoza had grown froze over, but they had food they had stored away. Usually Kougami hunted for meat. He didn't leave the house often anymore. He didn't know where he was some days. He was afraid to leave.

Ginoza stayed beside him.

Kougami slept more, and every time he did the nightmares came.

"Kougami what is it?"

He was standing in the doorway between the bedroom and the living area, in a battered dark green hoodie, and Ginoza realized for the first time that Kougami was growing thin. His strong jaw was sunken, shoulders thin in the over large sweater.

"Masaoka died."

Ginoza sighed a heavy breath, pushed himself away from the computer, from the latest stats on Sibyl's movements, and he gathered Kougami into his arms.

"He did. Years ago. When I lost my arm."

"I forgot." Kougami whispered. "I hate it. I hate not knowing." His hands clenched in Ginoza's shirt, his face buried into his shoulder, where the scar tissue never really went away.

Ginoza just held him. He didn't know what else he could do.

"I feel like you're fading." Kougami told him, watching waves crash on the beach. "Or maybe I'm fading. None of this makes sense anymore."

"How do you mean?"

"I know I'm here. But I don't know how I got here. It's like I've always been here. And you've always been here with me."

Ginoza wished for hospitals. He wished for scans, for medicines, that could bring Kougami back to him. For the first time since they had left, he wished for other people. Someone who could explain to him how he was losing Kougami. If he could be saved.

He hadn't woken for more than a few minutes at a time in days. But Ginoza stayed near, even as Sibyl came closer. It would be safer to leave. He couldn't leave Kougami behind.

"Who are you?"

"It's just me. Just Gino." He whispered, brushing Kougami's messy hair away from his face.

"No. My Gino, he's different." Kougami looked scared. "Bring my Gino back."

"Kou, shh. Go back to sleep." Ginoza couldn't let Kougami see him cry. "Just rest. It'll be alright when you wake."

"Stop it!" Kougami insisted. "Bring Gino back!" He tried to sit, fell back into the worn sofa.

Ginoza brushed his hair back, ran his fingers along Kougami's features. "Shh. Shh, Kou, I love you. Just rest. I love you, I'll stay."

"Where's Gino? It's not safe out there." Tears ran unchecked down Kougami's cheeks, pale, sunken, weak.

Ginoza wiped them away, endlessly gentle. "He's safe, Kou. Don't worry. Gino's safe."

"'M tired. When he gets home, tell him I love him?"

"I will." Ginoza promised.

The cover of ice, snow, was too dense to bury him, so he wrapped the body, had to think of it as the body, not as anyone, just the body, and brought it to the ocean. After that, he promised himself, he would leave. Sibyl, and it's soldiers, were coming. Taking even what little peace was left in a world without Kougami Shinya. He walked out as far as he could, let the waves take away what was left. Maybe he would freeze to death, out here. He wondered what that was like. He had heard drowning was awful.

Of course Sibyl had sent their best to take new territory. Akane lowered her gun when she saw him, shocked, scared.

"It's just me Tsunemori." He whispered, his voice hoarse, he didn't know if he had managed to cry yet.

"Where's Kougami?" She demanded.

"Gone. Akane?"

Her Dominator dropped, as she processed his words, frozen, wet clothing, his stance and expression.

"Pick it back up. I'm a traitor."

"No, no, Ginoza, come back. It'll be okay." She chanced a smile she didn't mean. "We'll take care of you."

"Pick up your gun, Akane."

"I can't."

He walked over, it was odd, to feel the weight of the Dominator in his hands once more. He pointed it at his own chest, rested the handle in her small, shaking hands.

He felt it shift, the safety unlocking lethal eliminator. So grief could raise your crime coefficient.

She didn't pull the trigger. He had to do it for her.


End file.
